Chapter Text
Paseton has been avoiding Cale.
Not that it's hard. With the redhead locking himself away, all he has to do is avoid going into that bedroom.
Things have been tense.
Most of the inhabitants are doing their best to make it less stressful. The wolf children are a constant source of unending determination. They train day in and day out, screaming their small lungs out with all of their passion. They train until they bleed and work themselves to the bone, all to make themselves stronger.
Paseton joined them a few times. He teaches some of them how to fight with a sword. It helps keep the thoughts at bay as he focuses on the routines.
But eventually, the thoughts return.
How could it not when the tense atmosphere is due to the person he is thinking about?
Cale is hurt. He's hurting again.
It seems that from the day they met, Cale is either putting himself in dangerous situations or hurting himself.
The noble fought with a bunch of mermaids that Paseton had escaped from.
He dealt with the mermaid clan as well as the organization that assisted them.
He spiraled and broke down on the beach.
He searched for an Ancient Power at a location known for its death.
He was captured by a kitsune and tortured.
He picked a fight with a dragon.
He fought Rok Soo's doppelganger.
And he searched for the fire power.
It feels like there is barely any peace for him. It is as if the world seeks to harm him. Or rather, he seeks to harm himself. Fueled by the desire to take vengeance on the man who destroyed his world.
When they had been corresponding through their shells, it was difficult.
Cale would tell them about the recent "mission". The little things that happen in his day to day life, which mostly consists of training or planning for the upcoming war. It is only broken by brief mentions of his animals, his family, and Rok Soo.
Rok Soo... he is the best brother anyone could ask for.
Reliable. Strong. Kind. Smart. So full of love for his brother.
He reminds Paseton so much of his older sister. That same level of strength, intelligence, and devotion.
Rok Soo shines like the sun. He shines as bright as his silver shield, casting a protective glow over his people.
But in the shadows is his brother.
Cunning. Powerful. Full of wit. But very kind.
He hides his kindness behind harsh words and a sharp tongue. He speaks his mind and does not shy away from conflict. In fact, he thrives on it. Always getting the upper hand in fights of physical or verbal assault.
Cale claims he isn't bothered when others see him as a bad person. But Paseton can see the bitterness.
Perhaps the opinions of strangers don't bother him. But the words of the heroes cut him deep.
Deep enough to leave scars.
Back then, Paseton was incredibly worried whenever they would have a call. Even back then, Cale had a strong desire to harm the organization that hurt him. It was the type of anger that could only come from devastating loss.
He was worried that when they ended the call, it would be the last time they spoke. That one day, Cale will stop calling and a month later, it was announced that he died.
Paseton liked Cale. As a friend or maybe something more. It doesn't matter. He enjoyed their talks. He loves talking to Cale.
His sharp wit, playful tones, and bright grin make his day a little better. He treats Paseton as a normal person.
Rank? Species? Cale doesn't care. He speaks to Paseton just as he would to anyone else. It doesn't matter that Paseton is royalty, a whale, or a half-blood. Cale treats him the same.
It was new. It was nice. It felt good to be seen as himself and not his rank or his blood. It felt good to be treated like a person of equal standing.
They also share the same past of not quite fitting in.
Paseton is the only half-blood in the Whale Tribe. Born to the King, it is the only reason he wasn't treated as someone lesser. But he is aware of some people's contempt over his blood. He is weaker than most Whales. It is only his royal lineage that prevents him from becoming weaker than the average Whale.
His older sister is very caring and devoting. Just like Rok Soo, she holds so much unconditional love for her little brother. She dotes on Paseton and he knows it. She would always protect him from anything. Even her own friends.
It worried him when she would pick fights with people who had spoken badly behind his back.
He may only be her half brother but she treats him like they are of the same blood.
His father is also very kind. King Shickler loves Paseton and never spent a single day not showing his love for him. He treats Paseton like his own child.
They treat him like he's their family. But there is a deep feeling of isolation that rises from time to time.
It is hard to ignore how much smaller he is from them.
It is hard to ignore how weaker he is compared to them.
It is hard to ignore his lineage as a half-blood when it is plainly obvious to everyone in the tribe.
Treat him with as much care as they might, it doesn't erase the feeling of isolation. It doesn't erase the fact that he is not 100% their blood. Part of him is wrong. Part of him doesn't fit in their family.
The odd one out.
Cale is the same.
His family may show that they love him but it doesn't erase the "odd" feeling. Cale doesn't seamlessly fit into the Henituse family.
At a glance, he can tell that Cale takes after his late mother. At least Rok Soo possesses similarities with the Count. But Cale's features are different. He seemed to have mostly inherited his mother's genes.
Try as they might, it doesn't erase the blatant truth and hard fact.
Cale doesn't fit in their family.
If it was just that, Paseton wouldn't have gone this far. He would have been content with their correspondence.
But Cale has proven to be scarred, traumatised, and prone to self harm.
He hurts himself constantly. Perhaps it is due to the nature of his Ancient Power. Or perhaps it is due to his traumatised past. Maybe both.
Cale just seeks pain. He seeks despair and misery. If he isn't tortured by someone, he tortures himself and hides it behind sharp smirks and harsh words.
That scared him.
It scared him so much.
'Would this time be the last time we spoke?' He would think.
Over and over again.
'Will he finally bite more than he can take?'
'Will he run into a problem he can't get out of?'
'Will he be killed?'
Its not like loss is uncommon. They had just lost a lot of their tribe to the mermaids. Friends and acquaintances. People whom Paseton knew and who he saw grow up.
He knew Cale for less than the he knew his own tribe members.
But his people do not seek harm with the determination of a sick shark.
They do not fight like they are suicidal.
Paseton didn't want to lose a friend.
So he decided to leave his tribe to help him.
Perhaps his presence can dissuade Cale from being reckless. Perhaps he can stop Cale from being hurt. Perhaps he can talk some sense into him.
Wrong. All of that is wrong.
He couldn't do anything.
Just like before, he could only sit back and watch as Cale gets hurt. This time, there is not an ocean separating them.
It was his own inability to do anything.
His lack of knowledge. His lack of experience. His lack of reasoning.
Other people have gotten better responses from Cale. They had done more than he had ever had.
Hans serves him.
Rok Soo cares for him.
And Cale can protect himself.
Paseton had never felt more "fish out of water" than he did standing beside Cale.
He thought he could help his friend.
That was arrogant of him.
He tried to justify his presence.
He is Cale's butler. He serves Cale and ensures he is always presentable and never wants for anything.
He is Cale's guard. He makes sure Cale won't be hurt by anyone who wishes him harm.
He's Cale's friend. He will comfort Cale when everything gets too much for him to handle by himself.
But he is none of those.
Paseton stayed regardless of each failed attempt. He would justify to himself that he just didn't have the chance. He'll do better. He learned so he'll apply it to the next threat.
Yet in the end, he is useless.
The gap between them just grew. The wall separating them grew thicker and taller.
Cale didn't need him.
Paseton was useless to him.
In the end, he just became a burden. An afterthought.
Why did he stay by Cale's side if he couldn't do anything to help him?
So he made up his mind.
If he couldn't do anything to help Cale then what was the point of staying?
The sharp senses of the inhabitants meant that everyone knew about his decision before he did.
Gloom falls upon the estate not long after his resolve to leave.
Not everyone decides to be quiet about his choice.
Silence falls between them.
Cale is very grateful for the blood power that allows him to have a potion on standby. He knew if he didn't have the artificial calmness in his bloodstream, he would have burst into flames.
Paseton can't justify staying with him? He wants to leave?
...Cale thinks that it is for the best.
"You're right," Cale says with a calm nod. He looks down on the floor as he speaks. "You cannot stay with me. Things did not go the way we wanted."
The fear, anger, and pain are smothered like water on fire. It doesn't rise up despite the desperation to unleash itself onto the Whale that is causing his heart to break into pieces.
"I apologize. It is also my fault for not allowing you to help me. I realize that I haven't been a good friend to you."
Of course Paseton would leave him. He hasn't done anything to give him a reason to stay. He hasn't even been a good master to him since he nearly hurt Paseton with the flames.
"You have every right to leave. I won't stop you. I hope that we can continue to be civil-"
A hand on his wrist stops him.
"When did I say I want to leave?" Paseton asks.
Cale blinks.
His mind reels as he thinks back to the conversation they just had.
"Then... what did you mean?"
Paseton sighs and looks away. "I can't justify staying with you. Yet no matter how much I try... I can't bring myself to leave."
Cale stares silently as his heart thuds inside his chest.
"I can't help you. I don't know how to help you. I keep going back and forth about what I want to do and what I should do. It's selfish of me. I know it is. I am so incredibly selfish for having these desires that just... disregards you. I thought my decision was for your sake but I realize that it was all me. I've... I cannot... I don't know if it is right for me to leave when I had insisted on staying with you."
Paseton rubs the back of his neck as he frowns in shame. "It kind of defeats the point of my demand to follow you. I don't... ha..."
He sighs heavily. Then he lifts his head to gaze at a very confused Cale.
"I want to be your friend." He insists. "But lately I haven't been your anything. And... and..."
He looks away. "I'm selfish. And... you don't deserve to be treated like this. By me."
"...Do you want to leave?"
Paseton smiles ruefully and shakes his head. "No. I don't."
"...Then what's the problem?"
"Cale-"
"I don't understand," Cale says. Sparks fly from the back of his hand as he stares into Paseton's eyes with so much confusion. "Why do you say all of this when you don't want to leave? Why are you telling me this? Is this a- do you want me to do better? I will. I'll be a better friend. I'll be a better master. But why do you want to leave-"
"I don't want to leave!"
"Then why are you saying that you can't stay?!"
Paseton flinches back as colourful flames burst from Cale's skin.
Cale jumps away and bites his lip until it's bleeding. He swallows as much as he can as the flames sputter and spark across his skin.
It flickers as the effects of the blood catches on.
Cale slumps. His expression is stoic as he rubs his arms, brushing away the bits of burnt clothing from the sleeves.
Despite the calming effect flowing through him, it doesn't hide the pain in his eyes. Even when he lowers his head.
"You... you're not safe with me. Is that it? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I am difficult. I'm sorry I've been a horrible friend."
He nearly killed Paseton. Even without his terrible actions towards Paseton, that is enough to warrant his abandonment.
"You're right. You can't stay with me. You would be safer away from me. You'll be happier away from me."
Everyone is safer without him.
He doesn't see the look of guilt and shame that forms on Paseton's face.
Paseton stares out the window of the room in silence.
It's a room on the fourth floor. The closest one to the fifth floor where the nobles reside. Where the twins sleep in.
As his butler, it is only natural that he would pick a room that allows him to be as close to Cale as possible in case the man needs him.
Hans' room is right beside him, situated closest to the stairs. The butler has been doing the bulk of the work caring for Cale.
It's not like Paseton hadn't asked to help. But he would be turned down because Hans has it handled. That it's "easier" to care for Cale when he gets like this because he isn't as demanding.
Which is a roundabout way to say that Cale doesn't do anything aside from eating, sleeping, and suffering from the flames. He barely does the first two.
Hans has it covered. All of the chores are done within the hour. He's efficient. He has been doing it for a long time so he has no trouble with any of the chores on top of taking care of Cale.
But Paseton can see it's taking a toll on him mentally and emotionally.
It has happened before. Hans was just grateful that it wasn't worse.
Paseton cannot imagine how Hans must feel. He's already in pain from everything that's going on. Meanwhile, Hans has spent twenty years beside Cale without having any doubts about his position and his role.
Goes to show that Hans is better than Paseton in so many ways.
He sighs softly.
If only he is half a man Hans is. Maybe he would be able to do more.
A knock sounds on the door.
"Come in."
Choi Han opens the door with an uncharacteristically serious expression. "I heard that you're leaving."
Straight to the point.
Paseton frowns and plays with his fingers idly. "Yes."
"...Can I ask why?"
The whale glances at Choi Han.
The swordmaster is staring at him.
It's odd to see such an expression on his face. With his youthful apperance, he seems to constantly have a smile or an expression of boyish determination. His face brightens whenever he's around Rok Soo. But it saddens when he's around Cale.
With such an expressive face, it's odd to see him look so oddly blank.
It reminds him of Cale.
Paseton looks away. "I have been thinking about a lot of things. And I have come to the conclusion that I cannot stay with Cale anymore."
"...Is that so?"
Paseton nods.
"...So you're abandoning him?"
He winces.
"It's... for the best. I haven't been able to be much help to him. In fact, I have been nothing but a burden who is as helpless as a finless shark. My presence has not brought any ease or helpfulness. So it is best to stay out of the way."
"...And you think that's right?"
Paseton looks at Choi Han in confusion.
Choi Han glares at him.
"Tsk! Typical. When things don't go your way, you leave."
Paseton straightens up. "What? What are you talking about?"
Choi Han looks disgusted as he scowls at Paseton. "You found someone who you felt at ease with and decided to barge yourself into Cale-nim's life. Then, when you feel useless, you decide to leave him. Isn't that incredibly selfish?"
The whale jolts in alarm. "What-? No. That's- it's for the best."
"For who? Cale-nim? You basically just forced yourself onto Cale and now you want to back out because you can’t achieve what you want. You said you would be his friend. Is a friend suppose to leave when things get tough? Even if the goal is something good doesn’t mean that isn't messed up."
"That's not-"
"You knew what you were getting into!" Choi Han yells and Paseton flinches. "You saw Cale-nim break down at the beach. You knew he had these tendencies. He turned you away yet you stayed. You said you would stay by his side. You said you would help him. And now you decide to leave when he's in trouble."
"I can't help him!" Paseton argues. "I can't do anything to help him! I can't make him feel better! I can't protect him! I can't even fix the problem..."
He lowers his gaze to the floor. Frustration and guilt builds up inside of him like an underwater geyser.
"I can't help him. I'm not... Good enough. I can't do anything."
Choi Han scoffs. "What a lame excuse. Nobody was able to help him. He hasn't let anyone aside from Rok Soo-nim help him. But we haven't left."
Paseton feels shame rise inside of him. "I'm not... Good enough. I can't do anything. I'm useless."
"Do you think Cale-nim cares about anyone being 'useful' to him?"
Paseton's eyes widen.
"How shallow do you think he is?" Choi Han asks. "You are his friend. You should know better than us. Do you really think he would abandon you just because you couldn't do anything for him? Do you really think he's that kind of person?"
"...No," Paseton says in resignation and guilt.
"Cale-nim wouldn't leave you. Why would you leave him?"
The whale doesn't have an answer for that.
Choi Han gives him a dissapointed glare.
"A true friend doesn’t leave when the other is not fine, especially not after what just happened."
Paseton winces.
After a moment of silence, Choi Han turns to leave.
"He's been abandoned once-" Choi Han says as he begins to close the door. "-don't make him feel like that again."
Click
The door shuts behind him, leaving Paseton in the empty room.
Choi Han sighs as he stands in the hall.
"Thanks."
The swordmaster waves his hand dismissively at the Whale leaning against the wall. "I would have said something sooner or later."
Archie hums. His previously troubled gaze eases slightly. "Still. He needed a talk."
Choi Han clenches his fist. "He needs a smack more."
Archie snorts. He shakes his head and pushes himself off the wall. "Want to spar? I need to beat someone up."
Choi Han frowns as he follows the Killer Whale down the hall. "Who is beating who?"
Paseton takes Cale's hands into his.
"No. That's not what I meant," He says hurriedly.
Cale tries to pull his hands away. "You'll get hurt. Let go."
"No."
"Paseton-"
"I'm sorry!" Paseton cuts him off desperately. "I didn't mean to hurt you! I didn't think. I'm sorry. I'm selfish."
Cale tries to pull away again. "You'll get hurt-"
"So be it."
He flinches.
This gives Paseton the opportunity to wrap his arms around the redhead noble.
Cale stiffens.
Paseton keeps a firm hold around Cale.
He was wrong.
He was so so wrong.
He realizes that now.
Cale squirms to try and get away. "Paseton, let go."
"I won't."
It was wrong of him to try and leave Cale.
Wasn't he the one who wanted to stay with Cale? Wasn't he the one who insists on joining him?
Cale has been nothing but kind to him. He allowed Paseton to stay even when he didn't have to. He let Paseton join him even when it inconvenienced him to bring two extra people on his missions.
Cale didn't need him. But he let Paseton stay anyway.
"I don't want to leave you."
Paseton tightens his hold around Cale.
"I just want to be a better friend to you."
Cale stiffens at the proclamation.
"I want to be better. I want to help you. I'm sorry I made you upset. I won't leave you. Never."
Cale squirms a little.
"You don't have to stay."
"I want to stay."
"I hurt you."
"And I was too useless to help you."
Cale winces.
"You're not useless."
"And you're worth fighting for."
He won't leave.
"Can we talk? Please?"
Cale stops trying to pull away.
He sighs.
"...Okay. We can talk..."
