Chapter Text
"And what are your two's excuses?" Sunoo glares
"I am sorry" Sunghoon cries
"I am so sorry... I was so stressed with everything going around me I didn't realise you were in pain, I know it is not a valid excuse... and it sounds so selfish... but I really... I... I shut down everyone because I was so focused on myself, I am so sorry..." Sunghoon begs
"When did you notice I was gone?" Sunoo simply asks because he knows Sunghoon's coping mechanism... he knows how he shuns everyone and everything to preserve his own mental health... it doesn't make it better and it doesn't make the anger in Sunoo disappear, but at least he knows that he was being ignored because Sunghoon was going through a hard time mentally and Sunoo cannot fault him for that...
"The day you left..." Sunghoon meekly answers flaring Sunoo's anger
"So... you might have been shunning me down because you were having a hard time with yourself and mental health, but you still didn't care or gave a f*ck about me, because you knew I was gone for the past three weeks but didn't care to figure out what happened to me or even had the courtesy to talk to me..." Sunoo points out
"NO!! NO NO NO! It's not like that, I swear it's not like that!!" Sunghoon shouts
"It seems like that to me" Sunoo states glaring at him
"Sunoo-yah... I swear it's not like that... I... I know it sounds crazy and stupid... but I was so afraid to face reality that I kept making excuses... I kept telling myself that nothing was happening and that everything will return to normal... I just... I don't know, I don't know what I was doing... " Sunghoon looks scared and confused
"So let me get this straight... You knew what was going on, but were so stressed and hurt that you decided to shun everyone down and ignore my pain... and once you realised I was gone, you decided to use your coping mechanism to erase the problems altogether around you and kept hoping that everything will return to normal once you opened your eyes in the morning, without facing any of the consequences?" Sunoo asks seething
"Yeah..." Sunghoon whispers, realising how stupid everything he has done sounds when expressed like that
"What kind of f*cking fairy tale novel do you think we are living in?!" Sunoo swears at him and everyone looks surprised
"Were you waiting for your fairy godmother to come and shake her wand? Or where you going to hope for motherf*cking Tinker Bell?!!" Sunoo spouts and his cousins try their best not to laugh and keep caressing Sunoo helping him calm down a little bit while enjoying his outburst
"Listen here... Park Sunghoon-ssi... GROW UP!! Life has never been butterflies and fairy tales and it's not going to be like that, so you need to stop doing this stupid method of shunning everything for the sake of your happiness... I get it! You have your issues and your trauma, I understand that and I respect that... but you either address that you have problems and get help or grow a pair and try to fix them yourself!! Because there is no way, I am going to sit here and accept your apology, when you are basically telling me that you are a spineless brat that decides to act blind and deaf every time there is a problem because he doesn't want to face it..." Sunoo bursts
Sunghoon looks at him shocked and pained... not only Sunoo referred to him by his full name like he was a stranger, but he also scolded him and didn't accept his apology... Sunghoon feels lost and devastated... He knows it's his fault, he really truly knows but... how is he supposed to go on... how is he supposed to keep the boy in his life...
"Sunoo-yah, I am so sorry... Please give me a second chance, I swear I can do better" Sunghoon begs
"The only thing I would like to give you is a matching bruise on the other cheek" Sunoo hisses surprising everyone in the room except his cousins
"It's your fault sweet Sunoo knows how to talk like this" Haeun whispers to Habyeol and she rolls her eyes
"Well, you should thank me then" Hanbyeol jokingly glares at him... before Haeun can say anything they both get hit in the hand by Yeonsul who signals them to shut their mouth and stay concentrate on the events
Sunoo, after his outburst, looks at everyone in the room, his cousins look proud of him, and that makes him feel secure, Jay-hyung looks surprised and amused at the same time, while Niki and Jake-hyung's mouths and eyes are wide open... Manager-nim is taken aback, while Jungwon and Sunghoon look like a wreck... Lastly, Sunoo turns to Heesung, waiting... waiting for the boy to speak... because even though Heesung was on his knees he still hadn't said a word... so Sunoo stares at him waiting patiently... anger still boiling inside of him...
"I don't have an excuse" Is what Heesung says and that one sentence is enough to make all Sunoo's anger disappear and a sense of dread settles all over him
"I don't have an excuse because I was aware from the beginning... I was aware of the whole situation since it started... I knew the members were distancing themselves, I knew you left the dorm with the manager and I knew you were not coming back... I knew from the beginning..." Heesung admits and Sunoo goes numb, he cannot feel his cousins' grounding hands anymore, he doesn't feel strong and secure anymore... he feels weak and exposed... he feels like his back to be hurt, broken and lonely Sunoo again... but he doesn't stop staring at Heesung, because Sunoo has so many questions... he wants to know why he hasn't done anything if he knew from the beginning, he wants to know where he was when Sunoo was crying in the bathrooms, he wants to know why he got ignored when he approached him, he wants to know why he didn't help in the situation if he knew from the beginning... But Sunoo doesn't ask any of those questions because his mind answers for him... Heesung didn't care... The other members might have done him wrong but even if he doubts them... he can tell they are actually regretful of what they have done... but Heesung doesn't care...
"What the f*ck?!" Sunoo hears Jake exclaim but Sunoo doesn't leave Heesung's stares
"I am sorry, Sunoo-yah... I do care for you and I do love you... I just...I didn't know how to approach the whole situation, I didn't know how to talk to you... we have always been awkward and I just didn't know what to do... So, I did nothing" Heesung admits and Sunoo gulps down slowly... his mind screaming at him that Heesung is nothing more than a liar...
"I am truly sorry, and I know that after what I said and done I don't deserve to beg you for forgiveness but I am truly sorry... I promise I will work on myself, I promise I will become a better person, so please... please...please... Sunoo-yah believe me" Heesung begs
Liar...liar...liar...Is the only thing Sunoo's mind is chanting
"What the f*ck Heesung? If you noticed us pulling away from Sunoo and you were truly awkward enough with him that you couldn't talk to him... Then you should have grabbed one of us and scolded us or reprimanded us... Or I don't f*cking know!! BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING" Jay shouts, angry at what he has just learned... but Sunoo cannot hear him... Sunoo's mind is filled with thoughts, shouts and screams... He cannot hear anything anymore... Sunoo's breath quickens and his cousins immediately freeze
"Sunoo-yah?" Hanbyeol says caressing his hand and trying to get Sunoo's attention
"Sunoo I swear I am sorry" Heesung repeats
"Shut up" Sunoo whispers
"Sunoo!! I swear believe me" Heesung continues
"Shut up! Shut up... please shut up" Sunoo repeats his breaths getting quicker and his hand squeezing his cousin's hands
"Sunoo-yah, I..." Heesung tries again
"SHUT THE f*ck UP FOR f*ck SAKE" Hanbyeol shouts making the whole room go silent except Sunoo's quick breaths
"Sunoo listen to me" Hanbyeol starts but the boy is completely lost
Haeun and Yeonsun immediately get down from the couch, push the table away and sit on the ground in front of the boy, Yeonsun grabs Sunoo's wrist and checks his pulse
"He is going into a panic attack, Hanbyeol you need to stop him before that" Yeonsun says
"Sunoo-yah... my baby, you listen to my voice" Hanbyeol tries to get the boy's attention and Haeun rushes to the kitchen and literally pushes away the stunned and concerned members out of his way
"Sunoo-yah, you cannot make me sing, your ears will bleed... you need to listen to my speaking voice" Hanbyeol tries to joke to distract him... but Sunoo cannot hear anything at all... his mind is too loud
"Here" Haeun comes back rushing holding a bag of frozen peas and some ice cubes
Hanbyeol quickly put the bag on Sunoo's neck and Haeun put the ice cubes in Sunoo's hands... the shock of the sudden coldness brought Sunoo's attention back
"Hey, baby... can you hear your Nuna?" Hanbyeol says softly and Sunoo nods... all three cousins sigh relieved
"Good boy, you gotta keep listening and you gotta breathe with me, okay?" Hanbyeol says
"Hard..." Sunoo says and his face frowns when his breath gets erratic
"Oh no no no... Sunoo stop breathing... you don't need oxygen remember? The sun doesn't need oxygen... it functions just with hydrogen and helium" Hanbyeol tries and Sunoo stops breathing altogether
"Good boy, hold your breath until I finish counting and then we take one big breath... okay?" Hanbyeol asks caressing his hand, while Haeun keep caressing his back
"1...2...3...4...5... now take some air" Hanbyeol instructs and Sunoo takes one deep breath and then holds his breath again, they keep doing it for a while until they see Sunoo getting comfortable with breathing again
"Why don't we try to breathe now? Take in the air for 5 seconds and push it out for 8 seconds" Hanbyeol says and looks at Yeonsun while counting to keep track of Sunoo's breath
"Good... keep going" She encourages the boy while he slowly starts breathing, Yeonsun smiles at her and signs an okay, signalling that Sunoo's heart is completely calm now
"Good, you are so good... why don't you give me the ice cubes now" Hanbyeol says and takes away the ice cubes and the frozen bag and throws them to the ground not caring
"How do you feel, now?" Yeonsun asks
"Better" Sunoo answers and the three cousins smile at each other
"Sunoo, we need to do our rhyme remember?" Hanbyeol asks and Sunoo nods
"Okay, I will start... 10 are the things I see..."
"9 are bright and 8 are sphere" Sunoo says
"7 are things I hear" Haeun continues
"6 are loud, and 5 are seals" Sunoo finishes
"4 are the things I feel..." Yeonsun says
"3 are sad and 2 are real" Sunoo's voice gets more firm
"Together... 1 thing is what I feel" Hanbyeol instructs
"The infinite amount of love I give" All the four cousins say together
"Good boy, now you need to answer the questions, remember?" Yeonsun asks and Sunoo nods
"Okay, this time let's do 5 colours you see and where" Hanbyeol says
"White which is Nuna's shirt, Sun-hyung's black glasses, Un-hyung's green pants, Jay-hyung's red hoodie and Nuna's purple nails" Sunoo answers
"4 things you can touch or you touched in the span of the last five minutes" Haeun asks, making sure to ask questions that require Sunoo to think and get out of his own head
"The ice cubes that were in my hands, the frozen pea bag that was on my neck, Nuna's hand that is caressing me and Sun-hyung's fingers that are taking my pulse"
"Good boy! 3 things you can smell or want to smell" Yeonsun says this time... They know they need to keep the boy grounded
"I smell Nuna's perfume, Un-hyung's shampoo and I would like to smell Jay-hyung's scent" Sunoo answers and Jay gets surprised... the cousins signal him to get closer, so Jay reaches Sunoo and sits next to him
"What about 2 things you can hear" Hanbyeol asks
"Jay-hyung's heartbeat and the wind" Sunoo says and the three cousins look at Jay with raised eyebrows
"I was scared and worried" Jay feels the need to defend himself
"What about 1 thing you can feel?" Jay asks this time, trying to get the attention away from himself
"Tired" Sunoo says and leans on Jay
After making sure that Sunoo is alright, Hanbyeol turns to look at Heesung and glares at him, if she could she would impale the boy and let the crows eat his flesh... but she can't so she hopes the boy dies of a heart attack under her glare... before he can say anything she hears Jay talk...
"Sunoo-yah, you okay?" Jay asks staring at Sunoo who started rubbing his chest
"Sunoo? What's wrong?" Yeonsun asks alarmed taking Hanbyeol's attention back on the boy
Sunoo has a frown on his face and rubs his chest
"Sunoo? What's up?" Haeun asks fear written all over his face
"I don't know" Sunoo whispers tears spilling from his eyes
"What do you feel baby?" Hanbyeol asks putting her own hand on Sunoo's chest
"Nuna it hurts" Sunoo cries and the three cousins panic
"f*ck" Yeonsun shouts
Hanbyeol immediately gets up and makes a call, while Haeun and Yeonsun fret over Sunoo
"Get him in the car" Hanbyeol says and Haeun immediately gets on the ground
"Is he coming?" Yeonsun asks worried
"He said he will be there in 20 minutes" Hanbyeol says and Yeonsun slowly helps Sunoo get on Haeun's back
"Are you coming?" Hanbyeol asks Manager-nim while the three boys go towards the door
"What is happening? Where..." Manager-nim panics
"TO THE f*ckING HOSPITAL... WHERE ELSE?! ARE YOU COMING YES OR NO?" Hanbyeol lose her patience and suddenly the dreadful realisation that Sunoo is not well glooms on everyone in the room
