Published Dec. 26, 1994|Updated Oct. 8, 2005
The demotion from No. 2 in the nation to No. 3 on the depth chart was bad enough. Then came the little things. The perceived insults that few others would notice but that haunted Terry Dean.
His longtime roommate on road trips, Michael Gilmore, was reassigned and suddenly Dean was traveling alone. Quarterback meetings were held without his knowledge, he says. The game plan for Georgia was taken away from him days before the game.
Dean's career at the University of Florida is a week from being over, and he can't wait. The one-time Heisman Trophy candidate has not played a meaningful minute of football in more than two months and says he has had virtually no interaction with UF coach Steve Spurrier since he was pulled from the starting lineup.
"If I could have looked into the future and seen that this was going to happen here, I don't think I would have ever picked up a football," Dean said last week while UF was working out in Tampa.
His plight has become national news, spurring encouraging letters from around the country, including those from Tom Landry, Joe Theismann and Roger Staubach. If Dean has his way, his story will become even more renowned through a book he has been working on. Because of NCAA rules, he has not yet made a deal with a publisher, but he has spent the season dictating his thoughts on tape.
"At the start of the season, it was going to be a documentary on a national championship season as things changed, the theme of the recordings changes," Dean said. "There's some pretty hot stuff in there, I think. I tried to just report what happened and not comment too much, but I did every now and then. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off just to burn that stuff."
Dean maintains he is not bitter about his experiences at Florida, just weary. Far too many happy moments have passed during his college days _ he was married last summer, he graduated last week with a 3.9 grade-point average, and he was the MVP of the Southeastern Conference Championship Game in 1993 _ to write it off as a waste.
Yet little has gone as planned from the night he became Spurrier's first recruit at Florida. That night, he and his parents drank a toast with Spurrier in their Naples home to the day Florida would win its first national championship. The date was Jan. 2, 1990. Precisely five years later, UF will be playing in the Sugar Bowl against Florida State. And Dean probably will not leave the bench.
The Auburn debacle
His performances as a quarterback at Florida were impressive. But his fall was legendary.
Rarely has a player gone from the forefront of the nation to the back corner of the locker room in such rapid fashion. Going into the sixth game, the Gators were ranked No.
1 in the nation and Dean was the NCAA's second-rated passer. The season was just about half over, and Dean looked as solid as any Heisman candidate around.
Four interceptions against Auburn changed everything for everyone. The Gators lost the game and fell from No.
1. Dean was replaced by Danny Wuerffel and never would start again.
"I told someone: "All we left out on the field that day was the Heisman Trophy, the national championship and a couple million dollars,'
" said Frank Dean, Terry's father.
It was hardly surprising that Dean was pulled from the lineup that day. He was, he admits, getting worse as the game progressed. Wuerffel had proved himself _ replacing Dean early in the 1993 season before being flip-flopped _ and nearly led the Gators back to victory.
Dean believes what happened after the game did even more to create a rift between him and Spurrier.
Dean stood by his locker for more than 40 minutes afterward and calmly answered questions about his poor performance. In the course of the interviews, he talked about feeling immense pressure to perform well. And he told of two occasions that week when Spurrier warned him he would be pulled if he performed poorly.
The implication was Spurrier put too much pressure on Dean. The coach was lambasted nationally for his handling of the quarterback as well as UF's game plan against the undefeated Tigers.
That's when Dean believes his position on the depth chart became influenced more by his words than his deeds.
"I saw (Georgia's) Eric Zeier throw four interceptions against us, and nobody batted an eye about whether he should get benched the next game," Dean said. "You're going to have bad games, and I did.
"It definitely went down to a personal level. I can't say a word about getting benched during the Auburn game. I deserved it. But I think I should at least have been considered as a possible starter the next week, and I never was. I disagree with how that was handled."
Unresolved differences
A Sugar Bowl victory would make this the most glorious season in Florida history. Yet, in many ways, it has been one long, hard affair for Spurrier. And much of that can be attributed to Dean.
Spurrier has engaged in verbal jousting with media members, refusing to talk to some columnists in the state after what he believed were unfair and personal attacks against him. There have been other minor flare-ups, and most can be traced to Dean's comments and Spurrier's handling of the situation.
For now, Spurrier is resigned to accepting most of the jabs.
His on-field decisions, he says, are based on performance. And Wuerffel is the No. 4 passer in the nation. Dean remains the No. 2 passer on the NCAA charts.
As for his relationship with Dean, Spurrier says he has handled it as he would with any other player. Spurrier says he knows nothing about the business about Dean's losing a roommate. Other staff members handle that. No meetings were held without Dean, he said. And as for a game plan's being taken away, that's a routine procedure early in the week, although Spurrier recalls an instance in which Dean's plan was collected and Wuerffel kept his.
"I'm not going to win any battles with Terry Dean, and I don't want to. I'll be the bad guy," Spurrier said. "I've tried to coach Terry the best way I can, and I've failed. If he goes on to have a proven NFL career, then obviously it was my fault he didn't do better here.
"If he feels he should have won the Heisman Trophy and we should have won the national championship, then I'll take the blame for it not happening."
Spurrier acknowledges they have not had an in-depth conversation but says there is little for them to discuss.
"There's a million things I'd like to say to him," Dean said. "I've always wondered if I should take the initiative to free my own conscience, get it off my chest.
"I've never done anything I wasn't supposed to. I've never missed a team meeting. I've spent extra time lifting (weights). I don't understand how it all came about. That's really the only problem I've had with the whole thing: I don't understand what I've done wrong."
Yet even while saying that, Dean knows what he has done wrong. At least in Spurrier's eyes. In a college sport dominated by conformists, Dean chose to be different. He chose to speak his mind, offer criticism and express his emotions.
And for that he will not apologize.
"I'm not going to sell myself out," Dean said. "I'm a free thinker. I like to do things my way. I played it exactly how I wanted to play it. It just didn't work out. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Not looking back
Even before his benching, Dean was not a surefire NFL prospect. Not along the lines of Tennessee's Heath Shuler last season.
But he has accomplished enough and has the size and strength to attract NFL scouts, so he has focused his attention the past two months on that effort. He has worked on his foot speed and is practicing throws that are said to be part of the NFL combine workout in Indianapolis in February.
He said he will play in next month's Hula Bowl in Hawaii _ a showcase for college seniors _ and will hire a quarterback coach to spend a few days with him in Naples to work on his throwing motion. With a strong showing at the combine, he could be a middle-round draft pick. Otherwise, he will get a shot in the NFL as a free agent.
What Dean will not do, he says, is look back. He will not second-guess his actions in Gainesville, he will not regret his decision to commit to Florida within 72 hours of Spurrier's hiring.
"If I went back, I'd still make the same decision," Dean said. "Most everything has turned out beautifully for me at Florida. I shouldn't be able to ask for anything more. I got married here, and I graduated from here. All kinds of things worked out great for me.
"Football is the only one that didn't."
